I’m a big fan of the series Portlandia, a sketch show that takes a look at the different lives of the people of Portland, Oregon - the hipster capital of the US. I’ve just started watching the second season (even better than the first), which includes this sketch...

...and I realised - that is pretty much my life. It seems like you can’t go anywhere these days without bumping into someone who ‘DJ’s’. It used to be just nerds and loners, but now every house has one, and each claims to ‘mix’ different genres; Minimal, Drum and Bass, Dubstep, House (probably the worst offender), Techno - whatever you’re into, someone will DJ it. Students, naturally, make up the majority of this new craze, and, not to be sexist, but they’re mostly male. When asked why they started ‘DJing’, the most honest reply was “the girls”. Ladies, WTF. Apparently, some of our gender are guilty of leading these poor guys on to believe that blending some tunes will result in them being dragged off by the nearest nymphomaniac. Well, in the immortal words of Shania Twain: “that don’t impress me much.” You like pressing some buttons and playing two songs at the same time? That’s great. You’ve got some ‘sick’ speakers? A ‘fat’ deck? The latest version of Traktor/Virtual DJ/CD Pro (delete as appropriate)? Good for you. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t lack respect for those who are good at DJing. It’s just that the majority aren’t; they have simply spent too much time in their rooms, wondering why they don’t have a girlfriend, and one day decided to call themselves a DJ. They impress each other by boasting that they’re playing a ‘set’ at a student night, that they’ve perfected the ‘double drop’, or they’ve got a new mix up on SoundCloud - when really, does anyone care? Who is honestly going to continue this Disc Jockey charade after university? Pretty much no one. You know why? Because it’s just not that cool. So, let me give you some advice. Instead of practicing how to mix David Guetta with Beyonce, which no one really cares about, why don’t you practice talking to some girls. Or better yet, why don’t you take up an actual instrument? Who doesn’t want some oboe playing at their next house party! In fact, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Watch out Manchester - the next time you invite me to a party, I’ll be bringing my cello with me. You can expect some heavy Bach, mad Beethoven and a smattering of crazy Mozart. Yeeeeah buddy.

Belle x

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