You will need:
2 x Red Bell Peppers
1 Large Red Onion
Baby Plum Tomatoes (not in the photo, I forgot them...woops)
Chillies are optional
Olive & Sesame Oils
(Salt 'n' Pepper etc - you're not idiots)
What to do:
1. Heat up some olive oil in a large pan, adding some salt and pepper.
2. Slice up the beef and chicken to roughly equal size so they cook at the same time, innit. Add them to the pan when the oil's piping hot. Then rejoice in the sizzle.
3. While the meat is doing its thing, heat up some sesame oil in another pan. Chop up the haloumi into half-inch cubes, and slice a chilli (or two, 'Some Like It Hot' and all that) - add it all to the hot sesame oil. Do not stir.
4. Slice up your red peppers and add them to the meat - it should be nearly cooked through by now.
5. The haloumi will probably be releasing a lot of water - DO NOT PANIC, this is normal. It will suck it all back in - that's when it's alright to stir it to get a golden crust on all sides.
6. Slice up an onion and add it to the meat pan. Ideally, you want the onion with a little bit of crunch still in it.
7. Finally, rip off some coriander and tip in the punnet of baby plum tomatoes. Wait a few minutes until they're warmed through, then take the haloumi of the heat and tip it into the meat pan. Mix it up and turn off the heat.
8. Arrange your lettuce on a plate, and heap on the meat. (That sounds vaguely sexual.)
9. Sprinkle your favourite sprinkle-ments on top - I like walnuts, but pumpkin seeds work just as well, as does some extra coriander.